BLACKADORE CAYE, Belize — Are you ready to go all the way down with Hollywood superstar Leonardo DiCaprio? Sorry darling — YOU, I repeat, YOU, are definitely not invited. If you want to go scuba diving in Belize, you'll just have to settle for Mutt and Jeff, or boring old Gaz Cooper or even worse, Peter Hughes and his 'last dance' liveaboard. True, Leo has arrived in Belize but you can bet your platinum credit card spending limit and the mortgage on your ugly little one-bedroom Belize oceanfront condo that he won't be rubbing thighs with the common folk who promiscously froth all over split fins, compare notes on Bonaire discount packages and line up for Stuart Cove's shark feeding dummie dives in the scubadiving.com chatroom. No, Leo is on a different mission and it has nothing to do with Divers Alert Network discount insurance and PADI's quickie scuba courses. It's all about state-of-the-art eco-friendly resort development for the rich and famous who are quite happy - don't you know - spending a fortune to avoid idiot celebrity-mongers like you and on occasion, me. (Hey, I know Johnny Depp babe, and trust me, Leo's no Johnny Depp.) So how much did our favorite beach boy from the tsunami zone spend on his 124-acre habitat for dengue-delivery mosquitoes? Well everybody in Hollywood is kissing and doing just about everything else except telling. Our guess? It all adds up to roughly $2 mil up-front. Now factor in all the payoffs to corrupt Belizean politicians and you can add another half a mil. | | Dive DiCaprio? Sure beats diving with ugly old Gaz Cooper... Figure $2.5 million plus, not even close to Leo's salary for "The Beach", a movie that was almost as bad as Jimmy Cameron's "Titanic" for a fraction of the price. So if you want to go diving in Belize and you want to dive with Leo, better extend you credit card limit to at least $25k. That should cover one night in the solar-powered villa with eco-flush toilets and two dives on the wind-powered dive boat. It's all about planet earth baby. Now shall we do lunch? |
